Now your life is back to front.

 Sometimes, I'm convinced every choice I make is the wrong one. I know there are no 'right' or 'wrong' choices in life, just As and Bs, branching paths splitting into a thousand directions. But ever since I was young, I always thought of myself as the fig tree part from Sylvia Plath's The Bell Jar: the fig tree is full of juice fruit, but I can't decide, and end up starving to death because everything looks so appetizing that it paralyzes me. 

How can I move on when I don't even know myself? When I'm so afraid of the future? 

I know I should be taking risks, should be doing all the things I want to do. But life gets in the way, doesn't it? I'm so traumatized and afraid by past events that I can't bring myself to move forward. It's like I'm stuck in a rut.

I know I'm trying to take things one day at a time, but I see everyone my age just... going out, having fun, making memories. They seem to have no worries, while I have the weight of the world on my shoulders.

I'm living some sort of dream, one I can't truly wake up from. 

I don't know. It's very upsetting.